Is Perfectionism Killing Your Confidence?

For far too many of us, the answer seems to be yes.

According to a poll I shared with my network on LinkedIn, 40% of people admit that their desire to perform to perfection at work left them struggling with imposter syndrome. That was closely followed by the need to be seen as an ‘expert.’

We all suffer with imposter syndrome from time to time. It’s that uncomfortable feeling that everyone else in the room got to where they are based on merit, but you got there because you're lucky.

I firmly believe that if you’ve never felt slightly out of your depth you’ve likely never pushed yourself to your full potential.

But, when that lack of confidence is driven by completely unrealistic expectations that we will never be able to do our jobs ‘perfectly’, it’s not only going to be hard to break free, but it’s also going to start holding us back.

As international expert Dr Valerie Young has found in her research ‘the perfectionist’ will spot one minor flaw in an otherwise stellar performance and feel a deep sense of failure. For ‘the expert’ meanwhile, even a small gap in knowledge causes that same sense of shame.

The result is a sense of underperformance or being incapable of carrying out the job. People can even fail to put themselves forward for promotion or progression based on a chronic sense of being an imposter.

So, if perfectionism is starting to hold you back, what can you do about it?

The next time you feel that imposter syndrome creeping in, stop, take a breath and ask yourself these three questions.

What do I feel an imposter about? Identifying exactly where the feeling is coming from is a really important first step.

Who am I comparing myself to? Are you making comparisons with a manager that has a decade more experience, for example? Again, identifying this can highlight the flaw in setting such high expectations for yourself.

What are some of the reasons a colleague or manager would give for why I am the right person for the role? This third-party perspective is really important as ‘the perfectionist’ is inevitably really hard on themselves. If you can’t think of some reasons off the top of your head, look over previous written feedback, performance reviews or – if you feel comfortable doing so – ask them.

Write the answers to all three questions down rather than simply thinking them in your head. Putting pen to paper is incredibly powerful when it comes to creating new thought patterns and habits.

Remember, there is no such thing as perfection. Don’t allow a few mistakes to prevent you from feeling confident and comfortable in whatever room you find yourself in.

If you’re there, you belong there. You earned it just as much as everyone else in there.

Shannon Houde is an ICF-certified coach with over 20 years as a recruiter and trusted advisor to evolving change leaders from Managers to CSOs. She has mentored and trained 1500 change leaders over 4000 hours in ESG and corporate sustainability and is the author of Good Work: How to Build a Career That Makes a Difference in the World. Apply for a trial coaching session here!